If you get drunk and vomit on me, I’ll make sure you get home safely.If you cross the road and a truck struck you, I’ll scrape you up and reconstruct you. I’ll cheer you up, if you’re depressed. If you get murdered, I’ll avenge your death.

Rod was over and I was losing to cheating Madden. Here’s how the replay went:

The final score ended up being 49-14. So the cheating re-introduced itself in the 4th quarter. Did I mention this was the Super Bowl? Chicago Bears. Super Bowl champs, ten years in a row ‘08 to [...]

Somebody make this my ring tone. Do people still do that? Use songs as ring tones?
Just remember that if you’re looking for a full contact football game the IWFL will bring you to your knees. Yeah yeeeeah!

Well, it’s August. Here’s a picture I didn’t draw because I’m lazy and uninspired, from my awkward-poses parent-gifted Maxim calendar.

I sat down to write, started drinking… Somehow, I wound up deep in the WWF Youtube rabbit hole. Eventually I would work my way to my favorite tag team when I was a kid - The Rockers.
I know that wrestling is dumb and fake, but there’s something about the stories behind it… When Hulk [...]

strip out of the paper, wrote, “WADE” on it and put it on the fridge.

I guess some things never change.
P.S. It was three days after my tenth birthday.

murdered another kid and was sentenced to ten years in jail or whatever, prison. But it’s ten years later so he’s out, and of course it was a notorious headline case back in the day so he’s under a sort of witness protection program to keep him safe. Eventually it gets out who [...]

and there was some bullshit fucking pop nouveau 80’s MIA carbon copy on the radio. Yelling at me, angry, guitars and noise. I’ve decided that I’m old. I don’t understand the 80’s retro thing anymore. I thought everyone was being ironic, but it is genuinely cool now? I guess I’m [...]

There are days when the universe sort of shouts out to you. You wake up and your cat has taken a shit by your front door, and you think “Fuck this cat.” But what you should really be thinking is “Maybe I shouldn’t leave my house, maybe this is a warning.” But [...]

I’m fucking amazing. When I do a somersault I wrap it up with a back hand spring. Why? Not to impress anyone. Not for good measure. But because that’s what I was MADE to do. That’s just the way it is.
I drive a car and the breaks never go [...]